How have your beliefs impacted the decision to marry and how that can be generalized (if at all)? How have feminism and gay rights effected the way our generation (defined loosely as people who've grown up since the 1970's) views marriage and commitment?Of course, this is not just a question of heterosexual relationships - as if that's not obvious. In fact, it can almost be generalized to the question of monogamy: what is the meaning of commitment and "love" as seen through the lens of your other beliefs?

this subject have come up over and over again in my life in the past year. i don't want to marry. i don't want to be a wife. i don't want any of the institutionalize bullshit that comes with that over-romanticized possession.

let me back up. i have nothing against people getting married. i don't care at all. i'd love to come to your wedding (well, i'd really prefer to just show up at the reception...especially if you'll be having swedish meatballs). i'm not against that form of mandated commitment.

it's just not for me. i prefer a lifestyle like goldie and kurt or jody and her "ladyfriend". i wanna cohabitate. i don't wanna marry. my boyfriend doesn't understand this and has turned it into one of those "i'm not discussing this" discussions. apparently, my decision to not marry (which i made years ago) is really an indication of how much i do or don't love him. apparently, marriage is the only way to commit yourself to someone.

which makes me want to tap out divorce statistics till my fingers turn blue and fall off. really, i just want him to understand that marriage isn't what will keep us together. really i want him to see that a commitment doesn't have to have a ceremony and be sanctioned by some paid-by-the-hour preacher to be real.

i could go into how he also feels this is a direct rejection of his Name. cause, no, even if i were to marry, i'd keep my damn name. i like it. i grew up with it. it works. it's actually the perfect name for me. it's the same name my son carries. i don't plan on tossing it out like yesterday's trash just cause my boyfriend needs an ego boast and wants people to call me Mrs. Him.

hmm. maybe i'm getting too worked up about this. how bout this: marriage began as a way of curtailing women and their power. marriage was a way of ensuring lineage and keeping money and land in the pockets of those who wanted it. marriage was a way to make sure land went from Senior to Junior to III. nowhere in that equation is a woman anything but the conduit to financial excess and power brokering. nowhere in there was it about love and commitment. unless you count commited bank accounts.

and this whole name thing. what the hell is that about? oh wait, again it rolls right back to money. captial M. cause now the wife is not just conduit, she is also property. she belongs to her husband the same way a pet does. the same way the cow does. the same way the kid does. and the husband is King of the Castle and the wife "obeys."

okay, let's get real. i know that marriage isn't necessarily like that anymore. but that's where it started. that's why women had to fight to be able to have their own bank accounts and put things in their own names and establish their own destinies.

i don't need marriage to prove myself or anyone else. i don't need someone else's name to make me into a real person or give me a real life or show me real love. i have all those things. i can love and be loved and i don't need to pay-by-the-hour for it.