as a follow up to the last entry, i'd like to admit two revelations i had last night.
1. i want to get my lip pierced.
2. i want a tattoo.
there reasons i haven't done either of the above are numerous, but i know the presiding reason is Fear. that's right. capital F.
i remember being about 12 years old at a mall with friends. there was a fiery red haired woman with the coolest boots i'd ever seen. she was fluid in movement and her voice boomed. i coveted those boots. then, my eyes found their way to her mouth - that source of force and confidence. in her lip was a slice of silver. i fell in love with her then. i also knew right at that moment that i, too, would have silver at my source.
tatoos are a different story. growing up in a working class/poor neighborhood, tattoos were an every day occurence. just across the street from us lived John O, a tattoo artist who worked at the Roadhouse (yes, that was its name). my sister, being much more daring than i, would do odd jobs around John O's house in exchange for tats. she has about seven, including a vine snaking up her side complete with tiny fairies. the first tattoo i wanted was a fairy in a teardrop shape. now what i want is much more spiritual and connected to the person i am. both my sisters are tattooed, but i am still harboring Fear.
Fear. of pain, of social discrimination, of work discrimination, of infection, of pain of pain of pain.
and aren't i too old? i'll be 26 this year. the last person i knew with a lip piercing was 17. i feel too old.
but.
i have made a resolution. i will decorate my body anyway i see fit too. i will conquer my fears one step at a time.
i have decided.
i will get my lip pierced as a reward when i reach my goal weight. if between now and then i decided it isn't something i really want, then i'll abort mission.
i will get my first tattoo on my 30th birthday. again, that leaves me more than enough to time to be sure it is something i truly want and not one of those "if i were a different person with a different life i'd..." type situations.
these are my revelations. i have decided.
