MEMORANDUM
To: Advisory Board
From: Your Loving and Gentle Lord
Re: The Lord�s Time
Hey y�all! I am officially submitting my new plan to appease mankind for your executive approval. I have decided to go ahead and add more time to the day. I have heard the pleas of my masses and decided that they are right, there are definitely not enough hours in the day for all they need to get done. Therefore, if you�d just approve the following adjustment, we can get this show underway.
Henceforth, all days in the years of Our Lord will revolve around the 28-hour system rather than the standard, inefficient, archaic, 24-hour system. Please be advised of this immediate change. In Our Heavenly Father we rejoice.
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MEMORANDUM
To: His Heavenly Self
From: Advisory Board
Re: The Lord�s Time
Hello, Your Highness. We have read your request for a new time-measurement system, however we must veto this adjustment. There will be no alterations to the external timing system at this time. Please cease and desist your ministrations for such. In Your name we pray.
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MEMORANDUM
To: Advisory Board
From: Your Father
Re: Now Listen Here!
I�m sorry, perhaps you failed to notice that I am answering the pleas of my legions of followers who, without me, would be soulless and empty. Therefore, I must ignore your rejection of my bill at this time. As of midnight, our external system will clock 28 hour periods before returning to zero. Be advised henceforth. Amen.
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MEMORANDUM
To: His Heavenly Obstinate Body
From: The board You set up to prevent such mistakes
Re: You Must�ve Forgotten
Dear Lord, we plead with you one last time to cease and desist your plans to alter our fully functioning time measurement system! You know not what you do! Remember when you promised Adam and Eve eternal paradise, but then kicked them out due to your hurt feelings over one measly game of Red Robin and we had to provide for them in order to keep humankind in existance? Remember when you sent down the rains the farmers were begging for and washed out all life minus the one farmer we took it upon ourselves to save? Please Father! We may not be able to save Your ass this time! In all that is Holy...
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MEMORANDUM
To: MY board (set up by ME)
From: YOUR Father (i.e. Your BOSS)
Re: Perhaps You�ve Forgotten!
Look! I appreciate your time and effort over the past couple million years, but please do not forget that I made you and I can (and will) disband you. I have proceeded with my plan to extend the day. You cannot stop me. And if you don�t quit bringing up my few minor errors, I�m gonna get angry! Do you remember my anger? Let Sodom and Gomorrah be a testament to my temper. In MY name you pray.
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MEMORANDUM
To: The One Truly Thoughtless God
From: What used to be your board
Re: Surprise, Surprise
Well, Sir, you�ve done it. It�s been one week since You gave the morons 4 extra hours in the day and just look at what has happened! First, the seasons are all out of whack and now summer is bringing us mountains of snow and sheets of hail. Winter will bring drought, you know. Sure, everyone has more time now, but the climate has been altered so severely the icebergs have melted and one half of the planet is being drenched while the other half is scorched. The planet is also being ravaged by earthquakes, hurricanes, and tornados. People are afraid to leave their homes! Those who must work in order to eat have found themselves at the mercy of their already horrible employers who have inserted this extra four hours in the middle of the work day (seeing as how You failed to mandate placement)!! Therefore, the laborers are working 12 hour days rather than the 8 they have fought for, and paying for it! Crops are dying, livestock are either drowning or being slowly roasted, people are dying from either work exhaustion or the extreme weather conditions. We expect the oxygen to be poached from the earth in less than 12 hours. We hope you are happy with yourself! We will not fix this mistake. We hereby quit and disband. You have destroyed earth and all because you don�t like to be told no! In God we Trusted!
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MEMORANDUM
To: My Hallowed Advisors
From: Your Most Humble Creator
Re: Hey, It�s All About Forgiveness, Right?
Okay! I admit it. I was wrong. It was a horrible mistake and I know that had I listened to your learned and esteemed council, I�d have saved myself and the planet loads of trouble. In my most humble manner, I beg your forgiveness. In your names I am praying...
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MEMORANDUM
To: Our Lord
From: His Honor�s Ad Hoc Committee
Re: Fixing Your Mistakes
Our Father, we have assembled today to once again rectify your grievous errors. Our new members have rallied in support of you and have persuaded us to overlook Your insolence and insubordination. We hereby reinstate this Advisory Board with our first act of business being reverting the time measurement system to 24 hours. We will also erase from human memory the last 196 hours (one week by the temporary 28-hour schedule) and replenish the earth. There will be no lasting trace of the disaster You brought on the people with your obstinance. May Your Holiness finally be a blessing.
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MEMORANDUM
To: Advisory Board
From: Your Loving and Gentle Lord
Re: That Whole Time Situation
Sounds good to me. Oh, and can we just forget this little mishap took place? I�d be the happiest Father ever if we could just let this go. Blessed be.
