The What Pants? Award: Tell us a story of drunken debauchery.
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please don't read this if you are offended by open sexuality

hmm. this should be easy, but i'm trying to narrow down when responsible drinking went wrong in my life. i've never been a heavy drinker having come from a long line of addicts, but i did turn into somewhat of a lush from my senior year of college until my son was born (he's adopted. no, no in-utero drinking).

the raunchiest debauchery i can take credit for happened when some college friends were visiting me in grad school. after a night of general drinking (i.e., cape cods, margaritas, pitchers of harpoon, scorpion bowls, etc), we all retired to my apartment. there were ten of us (me, Mike the Boy, K, Peaches, Maher, Ron the Bitch, Andrea, and Reggie's two cousins).

maybe i should go a little earlier and say that i had been courting Mike the Boy for some time, maybe a month or more. K had just met Reggie via my flirtation with his hot friend who was not related to him. Peaches and Ron the Bitch were together and Maher was visiting. Andrea was my roommate at the time and liked being the chauffeur. the cousins came along with Reggie.

okay, so we're all at my apartment and we're all trashed and Peaches and Ron disappear. MTB has to go and so, i'm left to my own devices. being the nosy girl that i am, i went in search of Peaches and RTB. how bout they were all buck naked in my bed? i, being trashed, sat down beside them while i laughed and tried to talk to Peaches about some random thing. while i'm sitting there, RTB asks if I wanna join. i contemplate it for a minute and then decide why not. first, though, i have to finish flirting with Cousin #1 and pour out the warm end of my corona.

back in the room. i take my shirt off and wait for some type of movement by either of the two to draw me in. before that happens, andrea busts in. she can't take it in the main room and has come seeking shelter. she closes the door all in amazement and i tell her what's goin' on and ask her if she wants to join. she says it's up to Peaches. Peaches couldn't care less. so, andrea takes off her shirt. we're too drunk to be embarrassed, but she pulls a bag of vicodin from her pocket and asks me if i want one. of course i do.

while we're popping the pills, maher barges in. he immediately understands what's going on and can't believe we were going to exclude him. so, he starts taking of his clothes. general touching and fondling start between the five of us. K is yelling from the living room that they can hear everything. Cousin #1 wants to be in, but we're not having that.

so, the Cousins leave, K and Reggie are hooking up in the main room, and the five of us are showing love to each other in my room. i realize Maher, being a Lebanese muslim, has never gone down on a girl. so, i show him using andea as a model. with both our faces in her nether-region, maher and i work together until he gets the hang of it. he tries to fuck her, but couldn't get it going, so i try to harden him while kissing andrea and being fondled by kim.

it was all very very crazy. i blame the copious amounts of alcohol and a small bit of vicodin for my general uninhibited behavior. all in all, neither andrea nor i were penetrated by any male members and maher did not have sex. i'm sure anything else you can think of happened that night.

i'd like to say i'm ashamed of this occurence, but honestly, i see nothing wrong with it. we were safe and comfortable and we all knew each other and there was no awkward "what have i done"s the next morning to deal with. i think we're all much closer than we were before that night!