a while ago my little sister was sent a forward that trashed Mexicans using their "dependence" on American welfare and "dishonesty" in regards to the tax system as a few of the reasons. other reasons included large family sizes, poverty, women not working, etc.

have i mentioned that my father is Mexican? have i mentioned that my sister and i are very aggressive and open and refuse to allow racism and ignorance to be thrust upon us? have i mentioned that most Mexicans in our country are NOT undocumented? that is a myth and a lie perpetuated by those filled with hate and fear.

so. my sister stewed on this email for a few months. she did not want to "go off" on the sender, so she waited until she could form a calm, thoughtful, fact-based, response. basically, she challenged the sender in three areas: the welfare system, stereotypes, and religion.

she explained to him that the majority of people currently using the welfare system are white. she explained that less than 5% of welfare recipients are people of color. she also explained to him that welfare is a system designed to help people and that if the system is working (which we all know it isn't), then those recieving the supplements are those in need. she told him that if he had complaints about the welfare system he should think about all the women on welfare who are basically stuck because if they work (even a meager paying job), they lose their supplements - meaning they would no longer be entitled to child care or housing subsidies, etc. if they don't work, they cannot afford to live a normal life and must bear the stigma of welfare. she asked the email sender to inquire about welfare legislation to his local congressman and get involved in the effort to improve it.

then she moved on to stereotyping. she asked the sender if he thought it would be fair to sum up the white race via face value. she asked him if he would like it if people made gross generalizations about the white race based on the actions of one or two people. she asked him what exactly his issue was with large families. was he unamerican? isn't the conservative banner always preaching the value of family? why should some be punished for large families only because those families are darker skinned and speak a different language? what makes them different? she then asked the man how many Mexican people he had had close contact with. She asked him how many dinners had he sat down to with his Mexican neighbors. she assured him that if he would try this, he would find people and homes that are as normal as any white or black person's home at the same income level. she assured him that dishes would be clean and people would be considerate and intelligent. basically she told the man to challenge his own fears and start putting faces to his fears.

finally, she questioned his christianity. she asked him how he could consider himself a man of jesus and promote hate. she asked him if he was aware the jesus was not a white american and didn't speak english and didn't live status quo. she asked if he thought jesus would look kindly on those who distribute hate and ignorance. she told the man that a good christian would be outraged by the idea of that email and definitely would not have sent it to over fifty people, most of whom he does not know personally. she asked him if he would have sent hate emails aimed at blacks or asians as well. she informed him that in doing so, he was denouncing "christian" beliefs and values and holding up ignorance, hate, and lies in its stead.

so. that was her response after a few months of stewing over the email (which she forwarded to me and boy was it ever bad). here is the response she got. it was sent by the daughter of this "christian."

I have been thinking about your e-mail all night and I really need to get a few things off my chest and then I am going to let it go.....

1. I am sad to think that you think so little of my father and have not realized how much he thinks of you and respects you and that he would NEVER EVER intentionally hurt you or anyone else. I am also amazed that you have been able to live your life and not do the same thing. Wow......I didn't know you were mexican Ashley, neither did mom and I would wager a guess that daddy didn't either... but ignoring that fact, the email was a forward... hmmm.... well you think about it... u haven't ever just sent something and never realized maybe it would offend.... well once again... I am notlike you.I do make mistakes.....

2. I am sad to think that to be your friend requires perfection. I am very thankful that I have a family and wonderful friends that love me in spite of my mistakes... in spite of hurting them when I have absolutely no clue that I have....It saddens me that you would be so quick with the "holier than thou" reprimand that says... you have hurt me... you knew it and you are stupid.... no you didn't say stupid but you sure did imply it.....

3. It saddens me that a young lady your age would jump to conclusions so quickly and NOT BE ABLE to find another way to let someone know they have offended you.... let me give you an example.... " hi Don, I got your e-mail.... did you konw that I was Mexican.. I wasn't sure you did but I don't really like it when things put down my ancestry. I know you did not intend to hurt my feelings and I know you care about me but I just wanted to let you know.....thanks for understanding and not sending anything that depicts mexicans in a negative light". Wow... how about that.. you get your point across and you don't have to hurt someone to do it....I teach my kids that every day... If you are going to react that way Ashley every time someone offends you then you are going to be angry for most of your life. Sadly enough we hurt the ones we usually care about the most. I know I have. I finally learned that words can't be taken back. Forgiveness can occur but it sure is easier to think before you speak.

3. Now had this been sent to you by me or even by someone you don't know as well I could totally understand your outrage and your reaction. I totally agree that we should be accepting of others.. but it wasn't sent to you by someone you didn't know well.....I really think you could have responded in a less nasty manner and still achieved the same goal.

4. I am going to give daddy the e-mail but ONLY AND I REPEAT ONLY when he is stronger both physically and emotionally. I can assure you he does not need another setback at this time. I am not giving it to him however joyfully but knowing that it is going to hurt him that he offended you. Just know Ashley that your response was heeded and I can assure you I will encourage daddy NOT to send you forwards again. What he does is totally up to him. He knows you better than I do and trust me, has a bigger capacity to forgive. God is working with me on this but I have not arrived yet, and you know,,,, even God, who is perfect, forgives me and loves all of us even when we do things that we don't even know we did.....

5. Had I thought daddy intentionally hurt you I would applaud your response.... please Ashley think about it.. and please if not for him for your other friends.. learn a better response to your hurts.. even by and especially by your friends.... they aren't perfect either.....you may wind up being a very lonely person if you don't... no one will be able to live up to your standards... we are human you know....

whether you read this or even hear anything I am saying is not even a consequence for me. I had to respond for myself. I am so angry that you and your e-mail are going to hurt my dad. He is the man I love most in the world... but..... I have to let it go.. because he and mom taught me that we have to forgive in order for ourselves to be forgiven.

i would just like to point out that apparently, a person should not be offended if they recieve hate mail from someone who "did not know" them. so, if i were black and you sent me sambo jokes, i should be okay with that? also, my sister should have turned the other cheek and not called this man out on perpetuating hate and stereotypes. i mean, shouldn't someone tell the man he's out of line? apparently the bible isn't a good enough tool for acceptance and tolerance and understanding. lastly, who the fuck needs friends who would send them hate mail and then be upset that that pissed you off? i surely don't.