"How does it feel to have a child, a separate human being that you have brought into this world, made from your own body, from your love for another? I am also curious about how you feel towards your adopted children, if applicable. How has this experience changed you? Did you feel different about parenthood and children before you had them yourself? Would you do it again if given the opportunity?

I am also curious about the differences between motherhood and fatherhood. Are there any? Our society emphasizes "a mother and her children" but what about fathers?

Parenthood. Is it all it's cracked up to be?"

oh. good question, no easy answer. i never wanted children. in fact, i've done what i had to to ensure that i didn't have any. this isn't because i'm some horrible child hating monster. rather, i just have never been in the situation where i could responsibly care for another life. i think it's the grossest negligence to bring forth life that you cannot provide for. there are too many children in this world in need of love for needless population growth.

that said, i do have a child. he is a wonderful little chunky toddler who drove me crazy this past week with his RSV/Bronchiolitis and steroids. i was ready to jump through plexiglass to get away from him. now that i'm back at work, i miss him. i want to kiss his fat little cheeks and watch him contort his mouth and force out his few words. i want him to climb up my legs and try to tickle my sides.

my son is adopted. well, kind of adopted. i'm "in the process" which really means i can't afford to start the process cause i don't have the money for a lawyer and i have no clue how to do it by myself. so, i have some notarized papers declaring me authorized to be responsible for this little life. my son, Javier, was born two days before Christmas. i was the first person to hold him. i helped the nurses clean the mucous from his tiny red body. i named him. i fed and changed him. i became Mother in a matter of seconds.

cause i felt it. like a thousand needles tingling the base of my spine, i felt my body responding to this child. biologically, he is my nephew. instinctively, i clutched him and soothed him and nurtured him. my hormones went crazy. i was high and then low and then drowsy with the weight of it all.

but, i was his Mother. there was no thought process. i could distinguish his cry from all others. he responded to my voice and my touch immediately. we knew each other. we were not strangers.

i do not know what it is to carry a body within mine. i have never birthed a generation. i may never know that silver thread ravelling around Mother and Child. but, i know this. i know that when my son cries, it is i who knows best how to soothe him. when he is tired, i can read it like a map on his face. when i am at my limits, he turns on the biggest cheese smile and coaxes me back to normal. he is my blood.

would i do it again? i honestly don't know. i had some very scary lows in the months after Javi's birth. i think i would probably do it again, but would change the circumstances. i would not be a grad student. i would not be living 900 miles away from my family. i would not live in a major metropolitan city where you are surrounded yet so alone. i think i would do it infinitely, but doing it alone is hard and it's not always the best choice.

as for fathers. i know only that i didn't have one and so, it is very important to me that Javi know his. and he does. they spend lots of time together. Javi's father isn't the smartest of the bunch, but he loves that boy with a tender and open heart. i think Javi is definitely the best of what his father had to offer. their relationship is one that i can't even begin to grasp, but i do know that if something were to happen to me, i would trust his father to usher him into a strong, confident, considerate manhood.

and that is enough for me.