i'm on this crazy antibiotic that i'm supposed to take with food. so i ate some, then took the drug. how bout about five minutes later i burped and i swear flame shot up from my chest and into my nose! i ate some food dammit! so i chugged some diet coke in the vain effort to not regurgitate or set myself on fire. it worked. but that was really gross!

**

i've been banned from seeing my babysitter's kids. you see, i was fanning the flames of a younger man's crush, that younger man being the babysitter's son. however, what i thought was just my overactive, somewhat conceited, imagination turned out to be the real thing cause how bout that boy asked me if he could move in with me. when i asked him what i'd do with my love, who already lives with me, the boy said, "don't worry, raw, i'll take care of you and plucky." said boy is only 17, mind you. and while he's a cutie and has the largest brown eyes and loves my son and has the most beautiful soft voice, esp when speaking to me in spanish, i had to laugh at his pretense that it could all work out.

so, i made the mistake of telling my love all about it cause, you know, i tell him everything (except stuff about this diary) and can you believe he told me he's not "comfortable" with me being friends with the boy anymore? i mean, i'm almost 10 years older than the kid, but i've got to "separate" myself? i told my love he was being stupid, but he didn't like that either. good thing i didn't mention how the boy likes to show up at my house and sometimes take me and the pluck for dinner or watch toons with the pluck while i shower (well, that only happened once when the pluck puked hotdogs in my hair).

the thing is, i like all the babysitter's sons. they're good kids. well mannered, loving, respectful, smart. and my plucky thinks the babysitter is his other Mama. so how am i supposed to break up our little family? when the boy calls me now, i keep it to a minimum and leave that bit of info out of my conversations w/ my love. i discourage the boy's nighttime visits or tell him to come over during the weekend (when my love will be home). i decline offers of fresh tortillas and beans and make my way home instead on friday evenings.

so, i'm trying, right? but i'm not gonna walk away from the babysitter and her family. i just have to convince the boy that i'm not what he wants in a girlfriend. that's why i've taken to smoking (he hates when girls smoke) and telling luscious stories about my love. i think it's working, but i'm not bringing up the subject of his crush. we'll have to wait and see. let's just hope i don't get caught first.

now see! why do i feel guilty? what would i be "caught" at? there's nothing wrong with what i'm doing! my love is overreacting and showing only that he doesn't trust me! so why the fucking dilemma???!!!